If you are reading this you are obviously human, and as such, dear human, I have some wonderful bad news for you – You are cursed.
All y’all, without exception.
The wonderful part is that you are not alone in your cursedness. It totally makes you human and connects you to all humanity in all space and time. Your curses are inherent in your biology and psychology.
There are many flavors and degrees, but the truth of being human remains – we all come into this world stocked with a unique set of genetic and family-of-origin dysfunctions that constantly drag us down away from being able to love ourselves and therefore each other. I’ve been on a journey to get real with my own and my family’s unique fucked-up-ed-ness for 10 years now ever since something Wholly Holy Other stirred in me as Liberty Grace was being knitted together in my womb, asking if I was willing to go all the way and to consider the great personal cost involved. I said “yes,” and the ride and the connection to that Wholly Holy Other – Them – has been unrelenting, beautiful, brutal and REAL every day since.
As I said before, I’ve read and understood the bible for myself since early childhood. I’m going to unpack symbolism from the Genesis account of the creation and The Fall of Man that I’ve seen for a very long time as well as things I’m just now finally being able to understand with great personal significance.
Here’s the base of understanding I’m coming from that you need to know going in that in the old life I’d have wasted energy defending but now ain’t got any in reserve left to do so:
- I don’t take the Genesis account literally, and for me to do so is the height of ridiculous willful ignorance and misses the inherent sacred metaphor that holds all value in the text. If you really want to argue the reality of a talking snake and that all of us originate from 2 humans that were poofed into existence a few thousand years ago, much less believe in a “loving” God who would condemn all humanity to suffering and death because the original duo added some enticing forbidden fiber to their diet, then I just don’t have time for you. Seriously. Move along.
- Our ancients knew what was up and wrote (after who knows how long orally passing down this creation myth) a stunningly rich take on what it is to be and relate as Women and Men.
- Patriarchy and misogyny are inherent in our biology and psychology as human animals. To rise above our animal nature (curses) in order to love ourselves and each other is what it means to be uniquely made in the image of and to commune with and incarnate Whatever God There Is.
- Gender, sexuality, and personality are fluid and on a vast spectrum, and you and I and all of humanity that has ever existed fall in unique places all along it. It’s an objective fact of nature. Again, if you can’t acknowledge that basic reality, move along. I ain’t got time or care to argue with you. For the purposes of this particular blog post, I’m speaking from my own perspective as a heterosexual cisgender woman relating to heterosexual cisgender man (look it up if you are unfamiliar with any of those terms).
Here’s the bible study you are never going to get in my former tribe that I’m going to unpack as efficiently as I can –
It Is Not Good For Man to Be Alone – Creation of Woman
But for Adam no suitable *MATE WITH STRENGTH TO SAVE HIM* was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
- * The Hebrew word “Ezer” that Western self-proclaimed Bros of God translated and adapted to fit their own purposes as “helpmate” is the word used throughout the Old Testament for God coming to the rescue and saving His people. This Woman – Ezer – is uniquely endowed with a divine strength to “help” her Man by saving his ass as he is helpless alone.
- Man was made from dirt. Woman, the final crowning act of creation, was made from FLESH. How much of a Man’s sexual psyche and drive is about satisfying his own flesh by seeking FLESH outside himself? How connected to the care and maintenance of FLESH (her own, her children’s and her mate) is a Woman? All FLESH is perpetually created in and comes forth from Woman. Marinate on those gender differences in relation to FLESH for a while.
- In the original unadulterated (un-cursed) union of Man and Woman THERE IS NO SHAME and they are ONE flesh united. Jesus would later say, “Fools, don’t fuck with this sacred connection God has established for your mutual good” (slight paraphrase).
A Woman’s Curse
14 So the Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this,
“Cursed are you above all livestock
and all wild animals!
You will crawl on your belly
and you will eat dust
all the days of your life.
And I will put enmity
16 To the woman he said,
“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.”
Goddammit, a woman can’t even go to the bathroom herself much less be left alone to her own curse. She doesn’t even have the luxury of dealing with just one either. Hers are MULTIPLE and connected to everyone else’s – the snake, her children, and her husband – through her flesh.
Of course a woman herself ain’t above lying and manipulating, but have you noticed how severe a reaction you typically get from a girl who’s been betrayed and lied to? “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” an English Bro Dude poet once observed. It’s because you didn’t just lie to and betray HER. You lie to and betray and threaten EVERYTHING SHE’S CONNECTED TO.
My mind and heart violated and gutted through deception? Check
My flesh violated by being exposed to potential risks without my consent, blindsided and brutally stripped of my own sexual expression and enjoyment? Check
My maternal nurturing, protective nature violated as resources to care for my children consistently squandered and pissed away by dirt man’s jacked up drive to fulfill his own flesh by denying the flesh of his wife and children (too much work and fear of rejection and failure there) in favor of “free” flesh that only costs money ? Check
Needless to say, but I’m saying it even though my dirt man who forgot he’s God breathed is desperate for me not to – my enmity for the deceiving snake of misogynistic patriarchy is fully awakened and engaged, and the fruit of my intensely painful labor over the last 45 years as a Woman? Through writing, I’m giving birth and multiplying a legion about to rise up and do some skull crushing.
Let me be very clear. I am at war with the snake who stalks and eventually entraps us ALL. I am NOT at war with nor do I wish to destroy the man I love, despite his vehement insistence that this is what I’m doing just by talking about the reality of what has been done.
There is only love for the Man, MY Man to whom I am connected for life. Ezer has been fully awakened and is in full blown “do what you’ve got to do to redeem your helpless Man who’s cornered himself” mode. This includes enduring the worst he can throw at me verbally as he shrieks and spins to try and stay out of the light that can save him. Friends and family (especially the women in his life), don’t go after him in anger or judgment. Trust me on this, not only does it do no good, it only makes things worse and sends him diving even deeper away from the thing he fears the most. He is an utterly broken soul drowning in massive self-loathing and sense of failure. He’s absolutely convinced he’s so special as to be beyond redemption. He is special, just not in the ways the snake has always tempted him to believe he is.
This is going to be a 3-part series, the next post dedicated specifically to the female curse of desire that entices a Woman to hand over her power and strength to be ruled over and used by a Man. The final installment will focus on the Curse of Man (dirt man is only given one to fumble with) that will help you understand, as I do, how easily we got to this point in life and how, despite what most would believe including himself, my husband is absolutely worth it all and is in no way beyond redemption and full restoration. He is a remarkable, miraculous, worthy human.
That’s the case for every human – all y’all without exception. We cannot escape our curses, but there surely is salvation and redemption HERE and NOW to live above them if we are willing to go all the way into the refining fire.
Into the fire we all must go, one way or the other, and we all must go alone. The Woman cursed was consumed by the flames. Ezer now rises from the ashes with the strength and grace to save.